and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
