Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
All the doctor said was why
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
