Hey man sorry I got all grabby
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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