Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
COCAINE IS GR8
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
