another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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