the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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