i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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