thus making me awesome and them whores
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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