We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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