just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
organizing the empties. That sober.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
