im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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