yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
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