it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
