Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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