Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
40s are totally the cure
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
