Where is the hickey?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
