i think my mom watched the whole time
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
