on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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