saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
