Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
