I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
