so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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