you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
