I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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