why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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