Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
