i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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