I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
