Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
what day is it and did you see me today?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
