how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Then you guys just all showered together...?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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