I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
