Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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