so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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