happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
