next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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