Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
