You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
