My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
