this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
