I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
