I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
