i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
