he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
