i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
