You can't motorboat a personality
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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