please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
