I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
