he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
