Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
