At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
