theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
