Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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