Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
