I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
