tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
