I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I have fence marks all over my body
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
