she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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