I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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