I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How does one acquire holy water?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
