how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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