so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
