My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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