I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
