i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
