just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
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