I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize