you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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