do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
