I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i dont even know how to be here
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
it glows. i had to have it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
