Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
