I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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