i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
