I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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