Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
