do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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