I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
