I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
