I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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