So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
